Update from Hell

Our dream has hit the fan and turned to shit. Our neighbors have gone beyond problematic. I don't understand things that are not logical or not reasonable. It's like giving a computer a bad command that sends it on an infinite loop taking it back around to the bad command. So we had the arrogant doctor purchase the place north of us. We started off by trying to be good neighbors and allowing access, selling land off that we didn't really need/want, and offering a 15 foot easement on the corner to move sheep and farm equipment. Then it all started with not even the courtesy of letting us know what was going on and the worst fencing one can have around horses put on the property line. All the trees being cleared so that the golden silence and enchanted forest is extinct. Property damage, inconvenience, constant bleating of sheep and barking of dogs ALL day and ALL night. We brought damages, timber theft, and their worrying our animals to their attention to no avail. Somehow, because we had problems with this arrogant doctor, our other neighbors decided they have a problem with us and started treating us in the same manner as the arrogant doctor. Disrespect and telling us what they could do on our property. An easement does not mean our property is public land. These neighbors didn't repair their fencing and their horses kept getting loose and coming over here. We were lucky because our horses were always locked up in the barn when this happened. Our luck ran out on October 15th, 2015. Diesel is dead. Our hearts are broken and our life as we knew it was completely shattered. Mike rushed back here to the cabin from Oklahoma. Let's just leave it at Mike was upset. Mike is now overseas to put distance between him and the dickhead neighbor. (I'll pause here for a moment. Yes, he's in another country right now. It's best as people like our neighbors are not worth one's freedom. Diesel was Mike's buddy. You've seen all the pictures. We feel we have lost our equine son. We are devastated. I've been doing Winter here all by myself. It has been rough is an understatement.) We knew what happened was no skin off their noses. Not so much as an apology. Then a couple of weeks ago, the "adult" daughter of the man responsible for Diesel's death, her dog took a package off my mailbox and opened it and I received the remnants in a couple of crumpled, used grocery bags thrown to the back of the inside of my mailbox complete with snow packed into the cap of a hand blended, natural perfume oil and chewed up bits of wrapping paper and some of the other items I ordered. I left a message for her to put a check in my mailbox for $79.20 and to get her animals under control, that they had done enough damage to my family, and to continue to stay away from us as it is in everyone's best interest. I thought I was just direct and matter of fact. I didn't swear or threaten. The phone call I received is beyond believable. Snarky, snotty, abusive and downright cruel. She berated my behavior right after I watched Diesel do this pitiful whiny, cry thing and take his last breath. Her father arrived to retrieve his murderous geldings just a moment after the horse we raised from a baby and was part of this family for almost 13 years died right in front of me. I make no apologies for swearing at him and who knows what else I said. The "adult" daughter's rant continued snarking at me and told me that it had been four months, animals lives don't matter, get over it bitter bitch. Needless to say, at that point I broke down. I couldn't believe the cruelty and what I was hearing. I said, "What? You're going to pick on me about my behavior after I just watched my horse die?" "Yeah, so. We said we were sorry. Okay. Get over it," she said. And, did you know, that we are the bad neighbors? All I could muster was that no one ever said they were sorry. Needless to say a person like that is pleased with her ability to break someone down and not pay for damages caused by her animal. Like father, like daughter. We are "lawyered up." A couple of letters from our attorney have been sent requesting payment for our financial loss of Diesel. Those letters could have also caused some of this wrath from this vile person. I'm a bit concerned with being here by myself and the actual lawsuit hitting their mailbox. Diesel's death left a huge emptiness in our lives. This is no longer home. I'm sorry I ever dared to dream. We would have NEVER done this had we known it was going to cost us a member of our family. As a side note: Diesel's stablemate, Keira, is okay. She is lost without him and I'm trying to help her through her grief as much as I can. We did locate a small pony and he's here trying to keep her company. Keira's a bit despondent. She is eating and drinking. She understood that Diesel died. She was in the round pen and quietly stood on the other side of the fence by his dead body until I put her up in the barn in anticipation of the backhoe's arrival. I did make sure she got to see, sniff, and touch his dead body. She did this cry, squeal thing and pawed at him. She's never called for him so I know that she understands in whatever way a horse understands death. We're all like Keira right now. Lost. If I had some place to go, I would load up what's left of my animal family and throw a lit match on our way out.

Status Quo

Bzzzzzzz. Look! I shaved my head.

I am starting a new blog that is completely unrelated to the off-grid thing so I ended up here. Oh, wow, people are still reading this thing. I do hope it helps answer some questions as it was always intended to provide information. Now, really, the last couple of years, living off-grid is just our life style and we don't even think about it. It's all routine. Status quo.

I do have a "big reveal" which leads a little bit into my next adventure. I didn't share this because I didn't want to be defined by it and/or treated differently because of it. Remember, the Winter I was here mostly by myself and I was hauling firewood around? I still move some firewood around but The Husband is home most of the Winter. Still, I run with horses. I play in the dirt. I play in the snow. I mess around with the tractor. All that farm girl stuff. While I have shared some back pain bouts here and there, it's more than that. On top of some old injuries, I have fibromyalgia. Yep. I get up and I kick chronic fatigue and pain's ass. If I can do this off-grid thing, anyone can. Don't get me wrong, while cleaning stalls, I've fallen asleep leaning against the shovel when I wanted to close my eyes for just a minute and I've cried when no one was looking because it hurt so bad but darn it all, I f'ing did it.

My new adventure is that I'm going back to work. For a paycheck. My personal/home life is a completely thankless job for very long hours. And I want to be of use. I want to contribute. I want to help out in some way. I want to do something with my life.

A little sprinkling of back story:

Once upon a time, I grew up on the back of a horse and in the show pen and honestly, I wasn't allowed to do anything else. As my 50th birthday approaches, memories of my 16th birthday have been flooding back. I was so excited about turning 16. Unfortunately, a few weeks before my 16th birthday, I told my mom that I was burned out on showing and wanted to try other things. Apparently, photography and writing and dancing must be horrible and shameful endeavors as I was lamb basted for being so ungrateful. While I appreciate the lessons of going for our dreams that my childhood provided me, the key is to go for our own dreams ourselves and not force someone else to live them for you, beat down who they are, and live through them. There was no celebration of any kind for my 16th birthday. It was barely acknowledged. Having such a small scope of experience only having ridden and showed horses, I had always wanted to do something with my life. It was an uphill battle but slowly I was headed where I wanted to go. Enter The Husband. Everything I had built for myself crumbled away under the compromise of marriage. I kept hearing, "When I retire, when I retire, when I retire...." The Husband's retirement hasn't exactly taken the shape I'd hoped. He's down in OKC now, loves teaching, and is getting another certification to be able to teach more classes. Earlier this year, I saw my 50th birthday coming and that was it, I'm done waiting. Now that it's almost here, I've taken action. I shaved all my hair off to shed the first 50 years and all the shoulds, meeting other's expectations, and being there for everyone but myself. I've been going to school again. I have some life coaching certifications. By the end of the year, my business will be up and running and I will be a certified hypnotherapist specializing in pain management and fibromyalgia. I'll be mixing a little art and magical living in there too. So, really, I guess there is a little bit of new thrown in there with the status quo.

Still here.

Ok. So we did NOT move to OK. Oklahoma for those that haven't been following along; I couldn't resist saying Ok as in okay and OK as in Oklahoma in the same sentence. Anyway, our buyer's agent down in OK, in our opinion, was not working on our behalf. He was advising us to do some things that  even without my having a law degree were obviously not in our best interest. Between the real estate BS and getting the "rest of the story" on the job which was only perceivable by actually working the job for two and a half months, it became clear that investing in a piece of real estate down there wasn't something we wanted to do. Yeah, their governor did sign some crap law into effect that is going to financially penalize those with solar panels and the drones/sheep/collective were all rattling off some stupid "yeah, they need to pay their fair share" nonsense because people that generate some of their own electricity apparently need to pay for electricity that they don't use from the utility company otherwise they're not paying their fair share; hence, the word nonsense. However, that didn't have much to do with our decision. There is a unprecedented, mountainous pile of BS that has gone on since my last update but I'll try to take it easy. Let's do a photo essay.

I got a purple rock for my birthday from The Husband. It's technically Charoite. Kind of reminds me of the sky in van Gogh's Starry Night painting. I should probably note that I collect pretty rocks and a man should probably not buy a woman a rock as a gift unless she asks or hints at such a gift, least the man have the gifted rock thrown at him. I've only been collecting rocks for a year and a half so I'm no expert but I feel pretty safe saying that this one is not for throwing.

The feLIONs continue to do their usual impressive feLION things like throw their toys in their food dishes.  

Token photo of this year's fawn crop.

Turkey passing through. I like these kind of turkeys much better than people who are pain in the butt turkeys (understatement).

Once again, we had our annual Summertime bat in the cabin with feLIONs in hot, chaotic pursuit. This year topped last year as I spent a bit of the evening feeding the mosquitos out on the balcony while I freed this particular bat from one of those sticky fly strips. Lovely.

My sister and I posted on Facebook our 4-H Fair flashback photos during this year's Monroe County, Michigan Fair. It was lots of fun. This was my 1983 photography entry and below is....

my poetry entry.

It was pretty cool when I posted this 1979(?) picture of me and Jag (front) and my first show horse Tag with his new owner right behind us. I shared my memories of that Fair and ended up reconnecting with the lady pictured on Tag and got to hear her memories of that fair.  

A moment with The Husband in Lake Superior, at McClain State Park on one of his brief visits home from OKC.

There were some ducks at the lake that day too.

Oh, what is going on here? Yep, that silver car is a Chevy Volt and….

it's being charged by the Sun. While this is easy to plug in, it's not so easy when one is laughing her butt off because she thinks it funny that the plug in thingie is shaped just like the gas pump handle at a gas station. I will have more to report to you on The Volt Experience. 

Unfortunately, Diesel's donkey friend passed away in February. He spent the Summer all by himself. He did okay but really, horses are herd animals and they are happier with a buddy. This is Keira.

Keira is mostly hair and yes, you are smelling hair conditioner through your computer screen. It took two and a half days to haul her up from Scottsdale. Emphasis: she was in a trailer for two and a half days. You would think that trailer would be a stinky mess. Nope. Smelled like hair conditioner. The barn smells like hair condition. Sitting in the cabin, we can smell hair conditioner. We know exactly where the horses are at any given moment by the smell of hair conditioner. That's all you can smell now that Keira has joined the family. PM and for a small fee I will tell you the brand as a stock tip.

Sigh. Diesel's impression of an Unicorn. We go through this every Fall with the burrs.

Keira is a Southern girl and needed a light Fall weight "jacket."

The lighting and textures were great this Fall.

I found a Fairy Castle in the woods.

Ya know how when you cut your own hair and then you keep cutting and trying to fix it and before you know it, you're basically bald. And then you go to your hair stylist and he screams when you take off your hat and he's completely horrified and you end up surrounded by three exasperated men working feverishly and they manage to fix something that was truly unfixable. No? Okay, cringe, me neither. Anyway, imagine that phenomena only with trees instead of hair. For the second year in a row,  even more trees were murdered over the Spring, Summer, and Fall. I'll spare you the drama of trespassing, timber theft, and making a mess for me to clean up and just say the neighbor isn't trying to fix any thing. When the leaves fell this Fall, we saw the Lake from the balcony of the cabin. 

Keira is a 5 year old Gypsy Cob born and raised in Scottsdale, Arizona. This Summer she learned to graze on pasture. No pasture in the desert. And this was the first time she saw snow. She's pretty laid back and doesn't get rattled but she didn't seem too sure about going out into the white stuff.

She kept eating snow. She's got burrs in her hair too. I'm probably going to be doing burr removal all Winter with this one.

More fantastic lighting and shadows.

White birch is one of my favorite trees. Yes, I say that about a lot of trees but….look at the fabulous texture.

Put your limbs in the air like you don't care, la, la, la…

Well, that was our Spring, Summer, and Fall in snippets. I've had worse years but this one was pretty exhausting. A good side effect, though, I've been spending a little more time doing Art in an effort to maintain my sanity. Speaking of Art and sanity, I'll sign off for now with a quote I just came across today: "Artists, while painting, are quite literally out of their minds." ~ Plato

The fate of The Secret Cabin

So. To recap, The Husband got a job in Oklahoma City, OK. Bheki-locks is going from too cold to too hot. While I love adventures, I'm not digging the idea of heat, heat, and more heat; tornados, earth quakes (it was news to me too), and not one but three different poisonous snakes including one that is about three feet long that can lunge it's body length at you very quickly. Lovely. We sold MY tractor so I'm down one of my great super powers. I always learn so much about myself with every new adventure. For example, in searching for a new place to live, I have discovered that I am a Toilet Snob. Not proud of it but I've always tried to be honest with myself and others. We will discuss Toilet Snobbery in another post at greater length but for now, I am out of the water closet.

But, what, pray tell, about The Secret Cabin? I don't know. Neither Mike, nor I can bear the thought of selling right now. This all has happened kind of unexpectedly and quickly. He made one phone call just to inquire and the next thing you know, we're off to see the Wizard. Close enough. We've thought that maybe we could vacation here in the Summer. We've even thought of renting The Secret Cabin for  Solar-cations so others could vacation and experience off-grid goodness. Too early for us to know. What we do know is that once we get a place in OK and get all the Beasts moved down and settled in, I will be coming back to the cabin to do some cleaning and maintenance. I really need to paint the windows. Really, getting The Secret Cabin all tucked in to go solo for a bit which is really hard to think about. The Secret Cabin has a really nice toilet. :D

Winter 2013-14 Album

What happens when your neighbor clears the trees on his property? 

Mike and Bheki end up with snow up to their armpits in their drive. Lovely.

The road was worse; I'm sure the road commission is still cursing.

Broken blower thingie. 

(I actually know what all the thingies are called but 

ever since the 7th grade when I was the only one in the class that got 100% on the engine part quiz,

I'm tired of the tendency of men getting mad at me 

because I actually know what I'm talking about. I was also Outstanding Industrial Arts I student in shop class which won even more fans but for the sake of full disclosure, I got a C in Home Ec. That was an interesting few moments at home on report card day; sometimes even I feel sorry for my parents.)

I'm kind of fascinated by the way the metal "smeared" on the left. RAWR, torque, baby!

Broken blower means snowshoe time.

 Half mile trip to the mailbox. And starting the half mile back.

I saved the best for last. Snow almost up to your tubes

  (evacuated tubes on the solar thermal water system) 

hence the height of the wooden rack.

Are you all sitting down?

But first, let's update. 

Back spasms from Hell weren't just back spasms. Something or other with discs and spinal cord and nerves and PAIN that hurt more than when a horse stands on your foot or horse dumps you and falls on you. Lasted longer than that too. I didn't get to go visit family for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I was mad. My back and I aren't speaking to each other. I started an exercise program. I do 30 minutes a day, six days a week on my stationery bike or treadmill or hike the driveway. I want to add yoga but that's enough health stuff.

Winter. Seriously, it's supposed to be all green grass, bunnies, and roses soon and it's doing a "wintry mix" as I write. Whatever.

Hot Water system. LOVING it. On several occasions I have stood under the shower head and wasted hot water. It feels good. INTERESTING (and kinda weird) HOT WATER NOTE: When the Sun is out there cranking, it seems the more hot water we use in the cabin, the hotter the tank gets. Running downstairs to check the temperature gauges after we each take a hot shower and see the tank not only not loose degrees but actually go up a degree or two just never gets old. 

Beginning mid-February is when we started consistently making more hot water with the solar thermal system. We even had days were the floor loops were on and heating the bathroom and front porch. This coincides with the solar panels producing more power and cutting back on generator reliance. 

Our food stash proved useful when the snow blower broke down. We were down about two weeks. Eleven words to the wise: Thirty day food and supply stash for both man and beast. And one more word: Grateful.

Loss and Grief: We lost some of our aging feLION family members and Diesel's donkey buddy, Pumpkin. Diesel is having a tough time. While Diesel is still a pain-in-the-butt, we now know who the mastermind behind a lot of the mischief was. We're grieving, Diesel is grieving, and we've got feLIONs  grieving. We keep reminding ourselves that there is grief because there is Love.

Okay, you should probably sit down now. Recently, Life as we know it here at The Secret Cabin has gone ….

BOOM! The Husband received a career opportunity that we couldn't refuse….in Oklahoma. Pause for shockwave to pass. Okay. He's leaving today to go where old, retired Air Traffic Controllers go---to teach the next generation of Controllers. It's where he started off twenty-seven years ago. Full circle. Pause for nodding. Yep. Well, at least I won't have to watch him run around the acreage chasing the two airplanes that fly over the cabin any more. It's been a whirlwind of loss, endings, changes, and beginnings in the last couple of weeks. When we went to put The Secret Cabin on the market, we just couldn't do it. Not yet anyway. We sold my beloved tractor and all of the implements. I feel stripped of one of my great superpowers. As soon as Mike gets settled in his new job, we hope to find some place for all of us to move to down in Oklahoma. I've been scouring Trulia without any success. Oklahoma has heat, tornados, and 300 days of Sunshine and yet there are no solar powered, earth berm homes. I know that I'm "different" but sometimes, a lot of the times, I just don't understand what the deal is. I haven't been able to find a "normal" house either. 

BOOM! Definitely, BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

More From The Secret Cabin Dept. of Culinary Delights

Eat Your Veggies Pasta
photo credit: Mary Jane's Farm

Okay, so we've been discussing building up a food stash here at The Secret Cabin. So far we have six jars of almond butter in the pantry and one tiny jar of chocolate hazelnut spread hidden in an undisclosed location. Recently, I did a review of our positive experience with Outdoor Herbivore. I've mentioned Mary Jane's Farm as another  group of products in our stash. I made her Eat Your Veggies Pasta the other day. I had purchased the bulk bags for a more economical price. It was easy enough dealing with the bulk bag, however, I will have to adjust the amount of servings I prepare next time. One serving makes two servings. The Human Garbage Can that I live with, aka The Husband, oinked down two servings before I could even sit down and the chair is literally two steps from the kitchen. Because I have the DNA of an air plant, or whatever my problem is, I had dished out not quite one serving for myself. While my taste buds savored the cheesy pasta, The Human Garbage Can helped with dishes by cleaning out the remaining serving. Seriously, I want to beat this man. I don't know where he puts it and he's lost all kinds of weight since retirement. I have found it (the weight he's lost), hence, my wanting to call him a b*tch and beat him. If I ever end up missing, it's going to be because a herd of dark windowed, black SUV's loaded with guys in mirrored sunglasses and black trench coats came roaring up in a cloud of dust, nabbed me, and hid me in some under ground government research facility. I will never feel the warmth of the Sun on my face again as they run test after test trying to isolate whatever it is that makes my metabolism function like a combination of a three-toed sloth and aforementioned air plant. If able to isolate this phenomenon, it will end world hunger and they will be able to develop the most efficient source of power generation whether engine, battery, or fuel. Yes, my metabolism may be the key to the end of the US dependency on foreign oil and I will have had a role in world peace. That said, because The Human Garbage Can still needs to eat, I am still planning on adding soups and pasta and sauces. I'll decide our next steps after that. I still have to think about it some more. I have frozen veggies in the freezer BUT if something happens and we can't get to a gas station for fuel, The Human Garbage Can will eat through the frozen veggies quicker than a blink of an eye. This leaves us with the possibility of canned veggies which are loaded with, cue the scary music, SALT! There may also be some blow fish code in my DNA. I don't handle salt well at all. I will have to do some research into the freeze dried veggies. This kind of brings us to what I think is one of the main tenants of building up a food stash. You want food that you already usually eat. A 50 pound bag of wheat in the basement isn't going to do anyone a bit of good if you don't usually use wheat like that in your every day cooking/life. In case of emergency, everyone is going to be freaking out like someone has gotten wound up in barbed wire and is bleeding out. Bodies are going to be pumped with stress. Stress allows illness to step in. Things will just spiral down to ugly and uglier from there. BUT, if we are eating meals like it's business as usual, maybe with the exception of cooking over an open fire, that's going to provide some semblance of your "standard operating procedure" providing some comfort and calm. Additionally, you can just keep eating out of your pantry and replenishing as necessary. This rotates your stock and ensures freshness. Even Human Garbage Cans cannot eat spoiled food. And finally, for your further perusal, I give you Food Storage Made Easy. I found it user friendly as I think it could be easy to feel overwhelmed during your first steps in building up a pantry.

Oh, I don't know.

Sometimes. This off-grid thing. Just when one thinks she understands how the heck things work. That was the original question anyway, wasn't it? Does it work? Maybe that's why we'd always just got a, "Yes, it works…." that kind of just trailed off into the distance whenever we asked the question before we decided to go down this road. Thursday was mostly clear blue skies, sunshine, and solar thermal hot water. Emphasis on the solar hot water. Which was really magical because even though it was about 30 degrees (I think) outside, we had a temperature of 117 in the solar thermal loop. Couple of weird things. Well, not really weird. Maybe weird. Hell, I don't know. So, heat rises. I do know that. When the solar hot water loop heats the water, the loop comes into the bottom of the tank and it's heating from the bottom and both the bottom and the middle of the tank temperatures go up. That seems to make sense. What's NOT happening is when we are relying solely on the wood-fired loop that comes into the middle of the tank, the bottom of the tank is still cold---which can vary between just under 45 degrees to roughly 65 degrees. That wood-fired loop gets to be about 150 degrees and yet the middle of the tank will top out at 104 degrees with two stinky people that needed a shower a day ago running around. It appears that the way the tank is plumbed now isn't the best way for it to be plumbed. Mike was thinking we should have another tank where the wood-fired loop is plumbed to enter the bottom of the tank. I was thinking: 1) How much am I going to have to repeat myself this time; 2) Based on how hard I have to work to get to you to listen to me is going to directly correlate to how long it's going to be before I ever share with you another bite of any chocolate I may have on hand; and 3) We should plumb the tank so we can direct the wood-fired loop to borrow the solar loop entry point at the bottom of the tank on days that the solar loop isn't going to kick on AND make sure that when we re-direct the wood-fired loop to the aforementioned bottom of the tank through the solar loop's pipes that the solar loop is directed out to the dump zone so we don't have another near Secret Cabin melt down. It would be interesting to see what the temperatures in the various parts of the tank would be if we were pumping the 150 degrees wood-fired loop through the bottom of the tank. At the very least, it seems like we'd at least have more hot water because we'd be heating more water coming in at the bottom with the heat naturally rising through more water. Another note of interest: Those days that the solar thermal is making hot water. Wow. The recovery rate is really, really fast. In fact, when you use the hot water, the temperature in the middle of the tank actually goes UP. Yes, that's correct. Using the hot water makes the temperature go up. That does NOT happen when we're running on just the wood-fired loop. With just the wood-fired loop, after splashing around in the shower, the temperature in the middle of the tank will drop 10 degrees and it won't recover that heat loss for about twelve hours. Does the whole heat rising thing really make that big of a difference? I don't know.

From The Secret Cabin Dept. of Culinary Delights

One of my favs, Basil Walnut Penne
Photo credit: Outdoor Herbivore

Here we go. As promised. But first, a disclaimer: Diet is a VERY personal choice. I am just reporting my findings based on our taste buds and all that. I would NEVER presume to know what's best for someone else and tell he/she how to eat. I'm not a doctor. I don't play one on TV. Enter at your own risk. I think that's enough legalese for one blog. Now, here we go.

Oh, one more thing. I eat some weird things. Not slugs or anything like that. But, we don't smoke and we don't take in any fake sugars or corn syrup or hydrogenated fats. I haven't owned a salt shaker my entire adult life. I no longer eat meat. Ya know, it would probably be quickest to tell you our bad habits. My name is Bheki and I'm a pizza addict. And I slam back a Sierra Mist to wash that pizza down. I also do some chocolate. Even the cheap stuff when I really need a fix. Mike eats some a tiny bit of fish (yeah, that does get interesting with the feLIONs), pepperoni on his pizza and he has a terrible ice-cream addiction.  Bryers ice cream in vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry don't have weird, chemically, non-food ingredients so he usually sticks with that. While we are working on getting clean, we're also human and will probably still go on an occasional pizza, chocolate, and/or ice-cream bender. The point is that it has been my experience that my taste buds have changed as I've gotten cleaner. For example, I now think Kale tastes really good. I know. Weird. So, if you're all beer and burgers between drags on a cigarette (not judging; kind of jealous because I'd wake up in a ditch with a food hangover if I had a wild time like that), you may shock and bore your taste buds and your body giving what we eat a try. Just saying because I don't want any angry emails about "bunny food" calling me vicious names like "granola girl" and the like. I do invite you to be bold and wild and try a juice or smoothie with some spinach (mild for just getting started with greens) and/or ginger (spicy, hot kick in the taste buds).

On to the pantry stocking.

I just scored my favorite almond butter on sale at Live Super Foods. I'm pretty excited about this so I'm putting it out here first. I'm feeling a bit buzzard-like, circling overhead waiting to pounce on any food deal that makes its way along the invisible string to my computer. Live Super Foods is all the way across the map in Oregon so I order in bulk because I think that's most resource efficient and to take advantage of free shipping for orders over $99. They've got all kinds of raw, organic, and vegan/vegetarian products. I did indulge in a jar of Jem Chocolate Hazelnut Spread. I do NOT let The Husband have any of MY Jem stuff. He just oinks things like that down and doesn't really appreciate the sinfulness of the taste and I end up with a little bit of aroma from the empty jar. I know. I don't know why I put up with him either.

I used to buy a product called Vega from Live Super Foods. You've heard me fondly refer to it as Ogre Grogg. Vega has improved their taste and mix-ability and it is a protein/vitamin/mineral supplement product that works well for me. I check Vegan Essentials in Wisconsin before I order Vega. Even with Vegan Essentials charging for shipping, the Vega is still about $8 cheaper per large "tub" than Live Super Foods. I tend to have at least four large tubs stashed in the cabin at any time. It is usually my breakfast so I should really have a few more tubs stashed.

Our newest adventure in culinary delights is Outdoor Herbivore. This was our first order with this company. It wasn't a huge order with it being "on trial" but I thought their website was easy peasy to deal with and shipping was prompt. Happy with that. We got the Hungry Single size pouch which feeds 1 to 2 people. With the calories and carbs, half a pouch, one serving, is enough for me. Mike is working hard enough around the cabin that he can chow on a whole pouch himself and not get fat.  Cooking and clean up are easy peasy even in our tiny kitchen. We did experiment and found my hot plate does a better job boiling water faster than the microwave and overall consumed less energy. This food was made for camping and there are tons of cooking tips on their blog. The food itself. We tried the Blackend Quinoa, Chickpea Sesame Penne, and Quinoa "Cheddar" Mac. While good, we thought all these dishes tasted the same so the jury was still out for us on this company. Then we moved on to the Basil Walnut Penne and Switchback Soup & Stuffer. We made the Switchback Soup as a soup rather than a stuffer. It was very good. Mike was making all kinds of approving, piggy noises and basically, I was only able to get enough spoonfuls to know that it tasted really good. In all fairness, I joined in with my own approving, piggy noises with the Basil Walnut Penne. Mike liked that too. Again, these dishes had very different tastes than the previous dishes we tasted. I have problems with getting bored. When I get bored, I turn to my beloved pizza and that's just one of those unhealthy, destructive relationships I need to leave with the exception of the occasional pizza "tastebud booty call."  I will simply watch my menu planning to avoid the same taste, different day thing. No biggie. Moving on to the Lemongrass Thai Curry. I liked this. Mike does NOT, repeat, NOT, like coconut. He could taste the coconut in this. I could too but the point is, if you do NOT like coconut, this is NOT the dish for you. Purely speaking strategy, I like to keep a few dishes in the cabin that I don't have to worry about disappearing so there is always something for me. This will be one of those dishes. For my sweet tooth, we tried Outdoor Herbivore's Ginger Chia Gooey and ChocoCocoChia. I'm not very familiar with some of the healthier ingredients and their preparation techniques so I have been intimidated by the mere thought of trying to make any of those vegan, good for you "desserts." It doesn't get any easier than these and just adding cold water. Again, there is coconut for those of you with an aversion to coconut. I liked both of these enough to be entertaining the idea of keeping a stash around for whenever my sweet tooth needs a fix. We still have a few more dishes to try but I do see us ordering again and in larger quantities to stash in our pantry. I rate this food as tasty and enjoyable and "clean." "Clean" meaning I do not get any kind of food hangover after eating it. That's a big deal to me as I continue to tweak my diet. This kind of wraps us back around to my recent descent into the Underworld of Pain and Misery. I don't want to go on and on about my health like an old person. It's just unpleasant energy that I don't want to put out there and it's boring but this is the kind of food that I find works for nourishing and healing rather than making me feel like sh*t. In fact, Outdoor Herbivore has an excellent post on their blog regarding pain and inflammation and food. Part of what's going on now pain-wise is because I fell off the wagon when Mike retired and came home full time again. That man can eat anything and not get sick or fat. I totally want to call him a b*tch right now. Point is I'm trying to get clean again and this food fits the specifications for that for me so I'm really liking our experience with it. All that personal info there is for you to have a perspective on where I'm coming from and be able to decide for yourself what you need and like.

We will be talking more about food and pantries in the coming days. I have some more resources and links for you. There's a lot to consider when building a stash of food and it's going to be different for each person/family but there's some basics we need to get into.

A quick note from The Secret Cabin Division of Hot Water: Sunshine today! We are also supposed to have Sunshine again tomorrow. Two days in a row of Sunshine and we've got enough hot water to splash around a bit more. I know it's weird but washing dishes in hot water feels like an indulgence. It's a little embarrassing but I actually kind of moan an "ahhh" when my hands hit the hot, soapy water. I've never appreciated hot water at the kitchen sink more than I do now. I need a sticker or t-shirt or something that says, "It's an off-grid thing."

There goes the neighborhood

We still have a bit of catching up to do of this past Summer's events.

Remember how we moved up here to get away from farming and to have the whole cabin in the woods experience and peace and quiet and privacy. Yeah. So, since moving in, our neighbor across the road has purchased a John Deere tractor, a small herd of cattle, two horses, and a Jeep. He has also cleared a bunch of his land and started growing hay for said small herd of cattle. For cattle, fencing is just a suggestion. I don't think cows even notice when they've walked through fencing. All of a sudden, they're just lost and start bellowing. Or standing in front of or running alongside our truck while we try to enter or exit our place. One day, I was quite surprised by just how unpleasant my teen years memories of working for a veal farm were when they were stirred up when we turned out onto the road and came face-to-face with a dead, beheaded, and gutted cow hanging from chains from the front end loader on a tractor.

But wait there's more. It started with granting permission to the loggers to go through ONE spot in our driveway so the new neighbor to our North could log his ground. I told The Husband they were basically CONtractors and we didn't want to do that. He wanted to be a nice neighbor. Now, I tell him that I told him and that I don't want to hear it. They went through about FOUR different places and destroyed a tile we just had installed this past Spring. As if that weren't thrilling enough, because we gave permission to the loggers to access the property via our driveway, the new neighbor hired the neighbor across the road to further clear the ground and without asking, he is using the driveway to move his equipment in and out of the property for further clearing for eventual farming. Oh goody. Nothing says cabin in the woods like the droning of a tractor in a field. Over 100 acres to our North was cleared this Summer.

On the POSITIVE side, the new neighbor to the North wanted our back 40. SOLD! And when do you want the rest of the place? I told Mike before I sold the Ohio farm that I bet I could sell this place even easier than that one. Sure enough. At closing for the back 40, they said they were thinking about the rest of our place. AND, we were just asked by someone else to "please"(they said please which I think is important to note for level of sincerity) let them know if/when we ever decide to sell as they are interested.

We love our property. Despite all the stuff going on around us, which will settle back down, once we get down that first part of our driveway, we've got our privacy. Retirement gives you time to stop and look at your reflection in the mirror. Sometimes, it feels like we just got here under the wire. I feel lucky that we've had the experience living here and living off-grid.

Here's some pictures of what the neighborhood and our driveway looks like without the trees.

This shot is from the road.

Viewed from our once tree-lined drive way.

Again from our drive way.

And again, from our drive way.

From the East side of the barn, we can now see our neighbor's house.

 We will be planting trees on our property to screen this view.

Oh, and by the way, all those views above are lake view. It was really overcast and these photos aren't my best. (Sorry.) Which means that if we hacked down trees across from the cabin, we'd probably have a lake view too BUT our privacy is more important to us.

And, the road crew is already talking about the possible drifting situations we're going to have on our road now that the trees are gone. Mike and I were already thinking about our driveway being more work to maintain. Which leads us in to the subject of food storage for next time.

Reporting Kinda Live From….

…. the Under World of Pain and Misery. How's that for drama? I even impressed myself with that one. Because I was bored with starting to feel less pain, I backed off the pain killers at the same time I started the ONE exercise I was assigned by my Physical Therapist. This angered every single one of the Deities of The Spine. Once again, I lay here staring at The Secret Cabin's kiln-dried, tongue and groove cedar ceiling welcoming Death. Alas. No reason for the "alas" other than I think it adds to the drama. On the bright side, I have a photo shoot coming up. I know they're just x-rays but I like calling it a photo shoot. I want to crack a joke about being radiant and radiation but I just caved in and took a pain pill which can kick in any time now. I hope. You know, I'm thinking the pain pill goes for the brain first because I got nothing on the radiant and radiation joke. Okay, please talk amongst yourselves again and have a good rest of the weekend.

Still alive ….

….and feeling better. I got some pills. Again, without having to push The Husband down in the parking lot. And one of the three different kind of pills even works. I don't like taking pills but I really couldn't gut it out it any longer. As a quick little pat my own back, the NP I saw last week was quite impressed with how I essentially don't take anything for pain. Everyone thinks herbs aren't really anything but that's where medicine came from before there were labs. Laboratories. If you say that in a scary, mad scientist kind of way, la-bor- a-tories, it's a really fun word. Anyway, I tried to switch back over to the herbs yesterday but the Evil Back Spasm Spirit appears to still be in there. We have to wait until it gets bored and leaves. I also was referred to physical therapy so I have a physical therapy appointment tomorrow. Hopefully, they have some special exorcism powers. Oh, do you think they'll saddle me up with some heat pads. That would be really nice. I like stretching exercises too. Oh, stretching exercises AFTER being saddled up with heat pads. We'll see. I did score a prescription for massage therapy too but upon further investigation, our insurance will not send in any financial assistance troops for massage therapy. What I need to do is get a massage therapy table and train the feLIONs to march on my back. We'll have to trim their nails first. If I need a deep tissue massage, The Husband could sprinkle some catnip on my back and the feLIONs will have me worked over in no time. That could get scary though, we've got a couple of mean drunks amongst us here at The Secret Cabin.

The Sun is out and I want to shut this down and go enjoy the day but first a little systems snap shot for you: The PV system is floating. The wash machine is running. The heaters are all closed up and "sweating" heat into the cabin. The wood heater water loop goes into the top of the tank. That loop is at about 130 degrees. The temp of the water at the top of the tank is 119. The solar thermal water loop is at middle of the tank. That loop is currently 90. The middle of our tank is 88 degrees. The bottom of the tank is 67. I am using a little bit of warm water for the wash machine. Even though I'm using hot water, the tank temps and loop temps are holding steady. The bottom of the tank has gotten 2 degrees cooler since starting the wash machine. We have noticed that with the solar thermal system running, when we use hot water, the tank temp maintains or even raises, if there's a lot of Sun, whereas when we use hot water with just the wood heater loop making hot water, the temp in the tank goes down. Prior to the solar thermal hot water system going live, I would go by the middle of the tank temp. I like to see that number in the mid-90's. In the past, the 90's has always been enough hot water for two hot showers. Not splashing around being a waste-a-roo but two decent, don't need to work up a sweat trying to get cleaned up showers. Okay, time to shake off all those crazy numbers and go enjoy the day.

Stubborn Evil Back Spasm Spirits

I'm still dealing with back spasms from Hell. We did go to our local Urgent Care. They have PA's and NP's now. You don't even have to see a doctor. I saw a PA. PA's must be trained to listen. Everyone was very nice and I secured a bottle of Flexiril without having to push The Husband down in the parking lot. Unfortunately, Flexeril and I don't mix. It actually made things worse. Instead of stopping the back spasms, it riled up my whole body and I ached all over clear down to my joints. The drowsy stupor was very unpleasant and made me wonder if that is what a bad trip was like. I felt as if my body was fighting the medication.

I'm in a lot of pain right now, really exhausted, and just not thinking very well so I'm going to take this week off from the blog. Please talk amongst yourselves and have a good week.

Quick end of week check-in

I am STILL possessed by evil back spasm spirits. I have not gone in for any kind of exorcism this week. I really should. I am reconsidering going to a medical doctor. As in I think I might go there first. My reasoning behind this strategy is because 1) the medical profession has been zero help in my three decade long war against chronic pain so this will not alarm the evil back spasm spirits causing an even more painful retaliation; 2) there is a slim chance that maybe the planets are lined up such that I may be able to secure ammunition against these evil spirits in the form of a prescription strength anti-spasm/inflammation/pain drug; and 3) there is also a slim chance for other forms of ammunition such as physical therapy, specifically massage therapy which if prescribed could bring into play the financial assistance health insurance calvary. As a back up plan, off-gridders always need a back up plan or two or three, I could push The Husband down in the parking lot skinning his knee and maybe even bumping his elbow so we can turn right around and go back into the doctor's office so they will promptly and with great sympathy give him a grocery bag with handles full of Pez dispensers containing every pain killer known to mankind for his boo-boo because everyone knows that men easily, quickly, and tragically succumb to boo-boos and the common cold. While I didn't push him down, this is how I scored my last bottle of prescription strength NSAID pain relief. That bottle lasted over a year, using it only for extreme pain possessions, and it included Mike using it too for what he even called a "fake injury" because it really was the equivalent of a bumped elbow.

Our video chat interview on Tuesday went well. I really enjoy sharing what we know about green technology and living off-grid. This is going to be a step-by-step process and nothing may ever come of it but as things unfold, I will let you know of any fun and exciting things gong on.

Our food from Outdoor Herbivore has arrived. We will be lunching on one of the meals today. Mary Jane's Farm food is scheduled to be here Monday. We've had quite a bit of rain lately and the driveway is getting a bit squishy. If the driveway seems a little too squishy for our liking on Monday, we'll send out the bat signal by leaving the truck down at the end of the drive for Kurt (UPS) to leave our package in our truck. 

Mike continues to build his equine pantry, aka putting up hay for the next year, as weather permits. He also wants to get a load of saw logs here so they are ready for making firewood in the Spring. This running around this late mucking around with firewood is BS which has backed up mucking around with putting up hay. That's why we asked for our firewood in the Summer when WE wanted it. But it may be too late already with the driveway getting squishy. Disgusted sigh.

In my department, I will be visiting my family down south for the holidays which are speeding up on us. I need to make sure there's enough food for Mike to quickly and easily feed himself while I'm gone. One person running the cabin and taking care of the beasts is tough. This is also the time of year where I reflect on the last year and mastermind the year ahead. I've got enough left undone on this year's list to provide plenty of "fun" for next year plus I'm thinking about trying to grow some greens this Winter. 

Preview for next week: We've still got a little bit of news to catch up on so that's what we'll be chatting about then. Have a good weekend.

Nerves of (melting) steel

Just a quick status report today.

THE SUN IS SHINING! (cue the Angels on High)

Evil back spasm spirits have invited friends. We've got a lot going on today but I think I'm going to have to give in again and consult some sort of professional exorcist. I tried a massage last week to no avail. Will call another massage therapist. If that doesn't work, while I have more faith in a witch doctor, I don't know any around here so I guess I'll have to settle for a medical doctor. If the medical doctor suggests that I go home and take aspirin, this blog could be in for even more changes unless I'm allowed my computer and internet connection while incarcerated.   

We located and purchased our hay for the next year back in September. Last night, The Husband started hauling the hay here and put it up in our barn---the equine version of a pantry. His lordship, Diesel, is pleased.

As part of our shift from productive members of society to retirement, we have spent this entire year selling things, paying things off, etc. More on that to follow but today we have a closing appointment. We are re-doing our mortgage. Lower interest rate! Little happy jig. Ouch, dang back spasms.

And....another drum roll moment please....we have a video chat interview today for a possible opportunity to share our off-grid systems on a never before, unprecedented scale for The Secret Cabin. What this could mean to you is a professionally shot video tour of The Secret Cabin in action complete with solar pole dance if need be. I'm wanting this to all come together pretty badly so I've got a little case of nerves going on. Unless that's the back spasm spirits. Anyway, please think positive thoughts  for us on this. Thank you!

How to be productive whilst staring at the ceiling

I have lost track of the number of days I have been possessed by evil back spasm spirits. Pain sucks. Laying on one's back and staring at the ceiling day after day sucks. However, as unbelievable as it may seem, I have made great strides towards building up a food pantry all from the comfort of my memory foam mattress. I would not have been able to accomplish such a feat without the support of my memory foam mattress hogging feLION assistants. I'm sure my being contorted around furry bodies in what space is available to me after these tiny beasts get into bed and stretch out from one end of the king size mattress to the other is also speeding my recovery. How do they do that? If there were a dog and cat "Bed Pig" equivalency chart, I'd bet a cord of firewood that one seven pound feLION of any breed and hair length is equivalent to a 120 pound bull mastiff. We've also got another mystery afoot. How did a vegetarian (yours truly) get on the mailing list for a fish catalog? Not just any fish mind you, but canned, wild caught Alaskan salmon aka not cheap fish. Tiffany Anne has posted on facebook before and now my pain, aspirin, and valerian root induced state has me suspicious. Anyhow, I ordered food from Mary Jane's Farm and Outdoor Herbivore. This organic camping food translates into low energy requirements for turning dehydrated food into palette satisfying nourishment. We've tried Mary Jane's Farm food before. Knowing we like it, I ordered a stash. I ordered a few different items from Outdoor Herbivore to give them a try. If we like the taste, we'll order a stash from them too. I also plan on supplementing these with cans of soup, potatoes, almond butter and....that's as far as I am. I also started a spreadsheet. The Husband and I discussed what, specifically, are we looking to accomplish here. At this point, we are building a thirty day supply and planning on moving on to a ninety day supply. It feels good to have this project started and it feels good to do something besides stare at the ceiling.

DEFCON status

photo from here

There have been moments during off-grid mayhem and mishaps where I imagine one of those caged, oblong red light bulbs flashing while an alarm whoops and the words "DEFCON ?" bellows repeatedly over a loud speaker. The "?" is because I never knew if 5 or 1 indicated "oh shit!" So, I googled. It's 1. DEFCON 1 is "oh shit." But wait, there's more. DEFCONs are Defense Conditions. There's also EMERGCONs, Emergency Conditions, but those are for "reactions" to "missiles in the air attacks." That would be "OH SHIT!" Hmmm? I'm thinking snow rather than missiles. Yes, missiles are really bad but snow is not to be toyed with either. Yes, I'm going to establish for the purpose of this blog that EMERGCON is for impending doom incidents which could be a snow storm, the government taking another expensive vacation on our dime, and/or a missile in the air among other such things, etc. EMERGCON 2 is when we have a couple of cans of fuel for the generator on standby; EMERGCON 1 will be when ALL appropriate storage cans for fuel are in fact full. Food and supplies for both (wo)man and beasts should also be stocked: enough for one incident would be level 2; stocking for a minimum of 3 months would be level 1. (Definitely, I cordially invite you to set whatever protocols are best for you here; we're all different with different situations.) The five DEFCON levels and the two EMERGCON levels make up what is called LERTCONs, Alert Conditions. I learned all this from FAS. While I cannot recommend enough how one that lives off-grid should really be at DEFCON 1 and EMERGCON 1, which I am guilty of not always doing, I have listed the other DEFCON levels for your day-to-day status and/or panicking convenience (taken directly from the aforementioned link). I'd say The Secret Cabin is at DEFCON 4 moving toward DEFCON 3 as November 1 rolls towards us. I expect to be at DEFCON 1 by December 1.

DEFCON 5 Normal peacetime readiness

DEFCON 4 Normal, increased intelligence and strengthened security measures 

DEFCON 3 Increase in force readiness above normal readiness 

DEFCON 2 Further Increase in force readiness, but less than maximum readiness 

DEFCON 1 Maximum force readiness.

Dealing with a case of Crabs

Sincere apologies for the title. Yes, I'm giggling. I know it's gross but I just can't resist playing with words. In this case, when I say crabs, I'm referring to the mood commonly known as crabby. When one is crabby, one has a case of Crabs. And yes, if you are crabby around me, I'm going to tell anyone that asks me what your problem is that you have a case of Crabs. Your welcome. I like to help out in any way I can. An alternate title I was batting about was When the Honeymoon is over. I think a case of crabs sounds more scandalous and read worthy.

This picture has nothing to do with today's conversation but I just wanted the whole world to see why one should not burn paraffin candles. Yep, that is soot on the naked wood ceiling. Now imagine your lungs. Yep. Not doing that again. That is the last time I succumb to buying an awesome scent unless it's soy or beeswax and phthalates-free fragrance.  Okay, back to our regularly scheduled program.

I recently had an opportunity to share some of our off-grid experiences with someone. Let's call her Katie. Katie asked me a couple of questions and and it’s prompted some thinking. And remembering. Remembering why, on a deeper level, that we wanted to go on this off-grid adventure to begin with. I told Katie the whole "we watched too much Little House on the Prairie, romantic, writer/artist in the off-grid cabin in the woods" reason because that’s what I remembered off the top of my head. The question has hung in the air since Katie asked and it goes back farther and deeper than that. The only thing I had ever done was ride and show horses.  I also felt my small town school provided an inferior education experience. Yes, I put myself through some college but I’ve always felt completely useless and like I didn’t know how to do anything. I wanted to be self-sufficient. I wanted to be able to take care of myself and call my own shots. Make my own decisions. Live life on my own terms. Have my own life.  "I'm going to go out and see the world," I swore to myself. How could I forget something like that? I guess a case of Crabs will do that to a person. Katie asked what was next. Again off the surface of the grey matter, "Garden. If it were up to our garden, we'd have starved," I admitted. Upon further reflection, yes, garden. Successfully. Put food up. Can. Pantry. All of a sudden, I feel myself slowly, reluctantly, waking up again. Reluctant. Yes. I’m not sure I want to go down that road again. It's like as soon as Mike retired, I parked my behind on a large boulder along this off-grid journey. But now I remember and it’s about more than the cabin and living off-grid. I've been stuck between this anger/ disappointment/fear cloud and the present. I don’t know if I want to step into the present. When I was here by myself and Diesel was attacked by the hot water racks, vulnerability rose up like a giant monster roaring right in my face complete with stinky spittle spraying my skin and blowing my hair straight back behind me. We shifted from productive members of society to retirement and loosing half our retirement savings on the farm. I waited all those years. A slave to Mike's job and the feLIONs. "When I retire, when I retire," he kept saying. Enter mid-life crisis. Thoughts of roads not taken and opportunities passed. Mourning and grieving. And still feeling like I haven’t done anything. Definitely, nothing in society’s eyes I assume. I am thankful I have a roof over my head. It just that I had more dreams and I'm still drawing breath. Fear has me wondering if I get wrapped back up in the off-grid thing is it going to cost all my other dreams. And how in the heck did I forget my dreams of self-sufficiency and being useful. For someone that's allegedly bold enough to leap off the cliff and live off-grid, some days I just don't wake up and join the rest of the class. I’ve always said that I would love to share the real information we’ve learned about off-grid living. Now, there's been this shift. The honeymoon is over is what I’ve been saying but there’s more to it than that and it’s not as bad as it sounds. I'm finally understanding this shift. Just like when two people move forward from the honeymoon stage, they are moving into something deeper and more real. It’s the same with off-grid living. It’s not this new, all consuming toy any more, it’s a lifestyle that’s so engrained it’s part of who I am now. It's in the background. It can be a foundation for where I stand in the present and I can build from there. It's like everything is normal again. I just have to decide and/or remember what I want to build and it doesn't have to be either or. It can be and. It's waking up again and getting off one's parked butt and moving down the path again. I can deal with the monsters of vulnerability when they pop up. So what's next? I think knowing that at some point one is going to shift from being completely consumed by all things off-grid back into life again is useful. I am hoping for the opportunity to share our off-grid lifestyle and what I know with more people. I know I want to paint my bathtubs and put them in my garden. With the exception of deer staring at me, I do enjoy bathing al fresco. The word integrate floats around my brain. Art and writing do not need to be segregated and protected from off-grid living; they can be built on top of off-grid living or alongside. Integrated. Whole. The garden needs an artful overhaul. My garden skills need a lot of work. I've always wanted to learn to can. In my recovery from Crabs, I am currently taking steps to build up a food pantry. When I lived here by myself I could go three days without dragging the generator out and running it in the Winter so I've been thinking about energy conservation to cut down on generator usage. I could re-start my riveting cooking experiments in the heater. Baked potatoes sound good, don't they? As I reported yesterday, Mike is venturing into making our own firewood. Of course, Mike would still like to add a wind turbine. The system we have was originally designed to have one but....well, you've heard the horror stories....

One of my favorite things to do is come up with diabolical plans so I'll have to think some more about what's next. I do think we're witnessing a new chapter here in off-grid living at The Secret Cabin. Something deeper and more real.