|Bzzzzzzz. Look! I shaved my head.|
I do have a "big reveal" which leads a little bit into my next adventure. I didn't share this because I didn't want to be defined by it and/or treated differently because of it. Remember, the Winter I was here mostly by myself and I was hauling firewood around? I still move some firewood around but The Husband is home most of the Winter. Still, I run with horses. I play in the dirt. I play in the snow. I mess around with the tractor. All that farm girl stuff. While I have shared some back pain bouts here and there, it's more than that. On top of some old injuries, I have fibromyalgia. Yep. I get up and I kick chronic fatigue and pain's ass. If I can do this off-grid thing, anyone can. Don't get me wrong, while cleaning stalls, I've fallen asleep leaning against the shovel when I wanted to close my eyes for just a minute and I've cried when no one was looking because it hurt so bad but darn it all, I f'ing did it.
My new adventure is that I'm going back to work. For a paycheck. My personal/home life is a completely thankless job for very long hours. And I want to be of use. I want to contribute. I want to help out in some way. I want to do something with my life.
A little sprinkling of back story:
Once upon a time, I grew up on the back of a horse and in the show pen and honestly, I wasn't allowed to do anything else. As my 50th birthday approaches, memories of my 16th birthday have been flooding back. I was so excited about turning 16. Unfortunately, a few weeks before my 16th birthday, I told my mom that I was burned out on showing and wanted to try other things. Apparently, photography and writing and dancing must be horrible and shameful endeavors as I was lamb basted for being so ungrateful. While I appreciate the lessons of going for our dreams that my childhood provided me, the key is to go for our own dreams ourselves and not force someone else to live them for you, beat down who they are, and live through them. There was no celebration of any kind for my 16th birthday. It was barely acknowledged. Having such a small scope of experience only having ridden and showed horses, I had always wanted to do something with my life. It was an uphill battle but slowly I was headed where I wanted to go. Enter The Husband. Everything I had built for myself crumbled away under the compromise of marriage. I kept hearing, "When I retire, when I retire, when I retire...." The Husband's retirement hasn't exactly taken the shape I'd hoped. He's down in OKC now, loves teaching, and is getting another certification to be able to teach more classes. Earlier this year, I saw my 50th birthday coming and that was it, I'm done waiting. Now that it's almost here, I've taken action. I shaved all my hair off to shed the first 50 years and all the shoulds, meeting other's expectations, and being there for everyone but myself. I've been going to school again. I have some life coaching certifications. By the end of the year, my business will be up and running and I will be a certified hypnotherapist specializing in pain management and fibromyalgia. I'll be mixing a little art and magical living in there too. So, really, I guess there is a little bit of new thrown in there with the status quo.